I'm running low on fuel allready but can take one for you too!
but, seriously, if you are helpdesk then all you need to do to get really drunk:
answer machine
tape
microfone
the 100 base questions to get caller farmed up
after the questions take a break for asking technical support some questionand during the silence rewind the tape and run it again
loop this as long as can stand.
when he hangs up, just wait for another one.
when ran these questions from tape, no sound of drunken voice nor real connection with the user (normal helpdesk)
employer happy
customers stop calling you

and you can drink some more to more.

it's that simple.
with the basic helpdesk questions tape, you don't need to know anything.
just ask questions and tell the user randomly to reboot the machine.
when ask to arrive say that there is no problem.
that the user should try again and again.

drink.

drink...
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