DOC,
Turns out the clients are all Wintendo, with legacy NetWare Bindery to boot. I couldn't get any scripts to work through GPOs, but hacking then into NetLogon works. Not sure though what will happen if a real client OS (NT/2K) tries to connect.

Once they migrate their apps and data to the 2k server, we'll scrap NetWare and scrub/re-ghost the clients.

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Give a man a fish and he will be back for more. Slap him with a fish and he will go away forever.