You're not going to find one that's taylor made. What you may find are bits and pieces to roll your own.

You can start in the FAQ section. Two FAQs that may offer some insight are:

Topic: DIR() Primer
Topic: File Input/Output Primer

There's a UDF as well that you should look at:

Topic: DirPlus() - a recursive dir tool

That leaves only the file size thing. RTFM GetFileSize()

http://www.gwspikval.com/jooel/manual/
_________________________
Give a man a fish and he will be back for more. Slap him with a fish and he will go away forever.